Confessions of a 16 year old

I listen to music very loud, it's my mojo, what keep me running and wishing.
Considering how much I want to go to college, it's impressive how I decided to repeat a year.
Art is pretty much the only thing that always makes me happy, good art = best inspiration.
I love Christmas, but every since my father died it's nothing more than an excuse to stay quiet by the fire and try to be polite towards people I dislike.
I have a dream that I know I'll never achieve, I'd like to publish a book, a series of short stories together with some of my illustrations. My problem is...I can't write, me writes bad.
I've tried smoking once. Hated it. I thought I was going to cough and feel terrible. I didn't cough, not even once, but it did taste like shit.
Gay porn is hot.
I like scary stuff but it creeps the hell out of me.
Asian dramas are awesome when you feel like all romantic.
I want a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. After loving my best friend for six years, and finally getting over it, I never fell in love again.
I wish I was a cute little girl, instead, I'm some kind of monster.
I love old culture, old buildings, old clothing, old furniture, old photographs, old music. But you know what...I love technology.
I have the secret desire to be an actrice as well as an artist, but even if I try with all my heart, I can't act.
I love to sing...but yes, I can't sing.
I'm a virgin.
I...I...I...I like to dance to loud music when my mother is out shopping.
I like to drink for the flavour. I love Vodka, Caipirinha, Pinnacolada, shots and other tasty stuff. I drink about twice a month and I never got drunk, only dizzy...which resulted in me knocking my head on a door...nothing much.
I have small goals, as I achieve them, I aim for higher ones.
This list is getting long.
I love Zelda, so, so much.
I have the best friends you could ever imagine, however, I life in constant fear that they'll forget me, regret our friendship and leave me.
I'm scared of things I shouldn't be and numb towards stuff I should be worried of.